15 hours of fame: my day as a media whore

Steve Safran February 1st, 2007

BY STEVE SAFRAN
“EXPERT”
LOST REMOTE
steviesaf@gmail.com

“The Lite Brites are coming! The Lite Brites are coming!” Not since Paul Revere’s ride has Boston been jolted so strongly by an imminent threat. You all should participate in a media storm some time. It’s lots of fun. I strongly recommend it. And if you happen to find that your years of skilled experience watching cartoons should enter into the equation – even better.

Rex Sorgatz is a visionary. His blog, Fimoculous is the single best-named site out there. A fimoculous is a bacteria that feeds on itself, and the allusion to the media is terrific. We feed on ourselves. Reporters interview reporters. I post on the blog, someone else picks up on it, and before you know it we’re all reporting on each other. I go to a studio and blog about the experience. The network runs the story. It’s fimoculous.

THE ACCIDENTAL EXPERT

Here’s how I found myself a sudden “expert” on Mooninites:

On Wednesday, Boston was at a near-standstill. Police kept finding “questionable devices,” and initially believed them to be hoax bombs. They found one in the morning, and then several in the afternoon. They – absolutely responsibly – investigated each one, even if that meant bringing traffic to a halt while they did so. There’s no question the Boston Police did the right thing.

But then things got positively nutty. The signs sure didn’t look like bombs – they looked like an evil SpongeBob Lite Brite. Every time they found a sign, the police said things like “the components are consistent with an improvised explosive device.” One officer repeated that sentiment, adding “except for the explosives.”

So, except for the explosives, we had explosives all over Boston.

BAKER CRACKS THE CASE, I TAKE THE CREDIT

By early afternoon, as the surrealism started to hit its peak, my pal Scott Baker IMmed me: “It’s a Mooninite bomb!” Now, I can honestly say, I didn’t know what he was talking about. I don’t watch “Aqua Teen Hunger Force.” Baker cracked the case. I got the glory. (As a journalist, I am used to this.)

Bake sent me a couple of Flickr links showing the devices in other cities. At this point, neither of us had seen a picture of the Boston devices – because the media kept pixelating the damn things. But we had a pretty good idea, based on the descriptions, that the “bombs” were a marketing ploy. These were clearly not guerrilla attacks. This was guerrilla marketing.

Even after cracking the case, I wasn’t that good a journalist. I kept watching the news, IMming Baker along the way. “Don’t they know what this is?” “How long before they ask?” “SOMEONE ASK ABOUT THE MOONINITES!”

Finally, I posted what turned out to be the national exclusive: the things were Bad Art, not bombs. I did a phone interview with NECN, and we sorted things out quickly on-air. The timing of the post was good. Shortly after, Turner issued its statement clarifying the matter. Reporters started putting the pieces together. And lots of them came to Lost Remote to see your comments on what was happening.

From there, things started to behave like the fimoculous.

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE LABELED ON NATIONAL TV?

ABC’s “Good Morning America” was the first to come calling. I did a good ten minutes or so with reporter Ron Claiborne. The piece (video) was the lead Thursday at 7:02 am. And – this part was really shocking – they only used one bite of me, for about four seconds. The nerve! For those of you who believe in karma, well, I have done this to every interview subject I ever met over the last 15 years.

ABC put up what we call a “lower third” with my name and identity. It has been a longstanding newsroom joke of mine that you are defined by whatever you were doing at the time of a news story. Hence, if you are hit by a car, you are a “pedestrian.” You may have led an accomplished life. You may be a well-respected person of letters. But if you’re hit by a car, you’re a “pedestrian.” (Unless, of course, you’re in a car yourself. Then you’re a “motorist.”) I had asked to be listed as “LostRemote.com” and “Consultant, AR&D”

Well, sure enough, I was listed as “Steve Safran: Blogger.” There it is. The summary of my life in one word. “Blogger.” I want to stress that, as a former TV news producer, I had this coming.

AS LONG AS YOUR NAME IS SPELLED RIGHT, KEEP TALKING.

MSNBC was next. I got a call from the producer, asking me to be on “The Most” with Alison Stewart, long a fave here at LR. Could I be in Watertown at 11:45 to hit for noon? Sure. What color makeup should I wear? I need to shave every 20 minutes or so.

The MSNBC interview was a highlight for me. Alison and I talked, in real time, about what happened. She posed really good “devil’s advocate” questions, too. I like being challenged – especially on points of journalism ethics, like “Why didn’t you tell police once you figured out what this was?” It’s the question I got asked “The Most” today.

Short answer: I called the NECN newsroom who had a reporter ask the police if they were aware of the nature of the prank. Generally speaking, this is better journalistic practice than calling the cops from my house. The LR Spouse disagrees, as it turns out. She, too, thinks I should have called the police. Like I said – I’m used to being challenged.

Alison mispronounced my last name, which only puts her in the company of, oh, everyone I’ve ever met. The important part? They spelled the name correct and gave the shoutout to Lost Remote and AR&D. If you’re gonna hunt for PR, hunt big.

A CURTAIN CALL, THEN… CURTAINS

Apparently, I did OK, because NBC called back as soon as I got home, asking me to return to the studio for an interview for “The Nightly News with Brian Williams.” I did so, but I should point out this was for purely selfish reasons: the studio had a terrific assortment of “Blow-Pops.”

Tragically, I wound up on the editing room floor. Or in the digital dustbin, anyway. They didn’t use my sound in the story. A smart editorial decision, if you ask me. And remember what I said about being a longtime perpetrator of news stories: I deserve being edited out of lots of stories. The joke on me was even bigger than I knew - a friend emailed to tell me I had been on ABC’s “World News Tonight.” I had no idea. I should really keep myself in the loop better. When you’re in a media circus, be sure to know where the trapeze is.

WCVB, the ABC affiliate in Boston, was next. They came to my house. Another moment of surrealism on a surreal day, too – their camera guy, Tim Devlin, is an old acquaintance of mine from NECN. “I bet you never thought you’d be knocking on my door demanding an interview,” I said, even offering to slam the door in his face if it would help the story.

FIMOCULOUSNESS WINDS DOWN

The fimoculous (now an adjective) events were far from over. St. Louis came a-calling, and since they were kind enough to let the Red Sox sweep them in ’04, I happily answered. So at 3:35 Central Time, KMOX listeners were treated to my by-now-worn-out bad jokes about the event. (Audio here.)

Knowing news cycles as I do, I’d say my time in the national spotlight is over. Good thing, too. Looking back, I realized I had made a terrible, terrible mistake: I forgot to change outfits for the different interviews. Now all of America thinks I own one blue shirt and a tan jacket. (This is absurd. I have two.) I think we’re done feeding on ourselves and I imagine Rex would agree that things can only get so fimoculous. For now, anyway.

Hey – anyone know how they’re going to promote “Robot Chicken”? I’m out of Blow-Pops.