Things Web Viewsers Never, Ever Say
Steve Safran April 3rd, 2007
BY STEVE SAFRAN
MANAGING EDITOR
LOST REMOTE
steviesaf@gmail.com
In 2003, I wrote a piece called “Things Viewers Never, Ever Say” (part one and part two). It was simply a list of quotes meant to point out the silly things that newsrooms do in the course of a newscast that have little meaning to the viewer. Newsrooms have developed their own series of tricks and rules over the years, and it seems like nobody thinks of what the viewer is actually thinking anymore. In a major surprise, the thing took off. It was forwarded around (stripped of my name, of course) and spawned two sequels based on reader input. It was even quoted in a book, although it did not help sales. It has been four years, and it’s time for a new list. Plus, I’m taking back the word “viewsers,” since it seems to be catching on as a combination of web viewers/users — seven years after we first suggested it here at LR. So here are the “Things Web Viewsers Never, Ever Say”:
“I like how I can get the marketing information, the sales information, advertorials, automotive, real estate, dating, coupons, information about upcoming sweeps stories and 40 other items all on the station’s front page. Also, I believe there is news here.”
“My friends are forever asking “What do you suppose that anchor is doing in the community?” I’m glad I can find that.”
“This website would be better if it helped service the station’s brand more.”
“I worry that non-news pages will dilute this station’s brand.”
“It’s cool how that information I want is only three clicks deep.”
“Did you see how they promote the network? That’s awesome.”
“I hope they brought marketing in to the meetings about this site.”
“Please: smaller fonts.”
“I like how they take the people they don’t want on TV and put them on the web.”
“I’m glad the colors on the site completely match the colors you use on TV. I would have been confused where I was otherwise.”
“I like how they assumed I have ADD when they designed this site.”
“More flashing ads for mortgages!”
“The anchors’ heads at the top of your site reminds me of Mount Rushmore. It calms me and makes me want to watch the newscast.”
“You know what would help me get the local news? Have it about halfway down the page below the promotions.”
“I like how they put the fun stories way at the bottom. That way I can wade through all the hard news before I can find the stories I think are interesting.”
“If they could squeeze things together just a smidge more, I would be able to view this on my watch.”
“Great use of tabs!”
“Yes, I will make you my homepage because I like to get my information from just one source.”
“I love how this looks just like all the other sites in town. Distinction disturbs me.”
“Navigation on the top AND the side! I feel like Magellan!”
(Add your own ideas in the comments below. Viewsers never say “I’d like to write this guy’s next column,” but that’s pretty much what I’m asking you for.)
28 Comments Add your own
1. invitedmedia | April 3rd, 2007 at 6:58 pm
i have to say, this station really watches out for me. they don’t link to anybody else.
2. Diana | April 3rd, 2007 at 8:45 pm
“I love those jerky online video clips with blaring audio! and commercials!”
3. joe | April 3rd, 2007 at 9:16 pm
That redesign looks great. Perfect! Wouldn’t change a thing.
Forcing me to register makes me feel like I’m part of something bigger. After all, I can’t get this anywhere else on the web. Thank you for allowing me to become a valued member. I think I’ll visit more often now. And click more pages.
Look at all this terrific sports coverage on this TV site. Wow, it’s better than the newspaper!
I’m 25 years-old and I visit your site for my news all the time.
4. Rob | April 3rd, 2007 at 9:47 pm
Wow. Your news report says that you’re First on the web. That means you guys must really be beating the other guys on this story!
I like how the embedded videos on your homepage start up with the audio louder than the landing pattern at the airport. So does the guy in the cubicle three desks away from me.
I love how you tell me half the story then tell me I can get the rest of the story on the newscast at 5 p.m. and I really like it when you’re still telling me that the next day!
I love how your videos are smaller than a US Postage Stamp.
I like those advertisements that start playing audio or video or pop up and take up the whole screen when you scroll your mouse over them. More of those please!
I’d really like to register for your website, but I already get enough spam about home mortgages through the US Mail.
5. mikemcguff | April 3rd, 2007 at 10:27 pm
I love it when the talking heads on the picture box tell me to go to the .com for more info and when I get there I don’t know where to find it. This gives me plenty of time to explore the site.
6. Jay | April 4th, 2007 at 4:44 am
I like how I can get stories that are 3-4 days old right there on the front page!
Please add more state and regional news to the local news section.
I come to your site first when I hear of local breaking news.
That weather guy is cute.
7. Ted | April 4th, 2007 at 6:07 am
I’m glad the search box is harder to find than a winning lottery ticket. I love scavenger hunts!
Gosh, seeing a :10 ad before every video clip I’d like to watch really enhances the likelihood that I’ll buy that product. I wish they’d do that on TV, too.
Waiting 30 seconds or so for the video to load doesn’t bother me. I use it to achieve a Zen-like calm in the middle of my workday.
The auto-play ads and promos when I come to your site are great. They tell me if my computer speakers are on.
That station’s site has had problems regularly before — but I’ll keep coming back to see how they’re doing!
8. The Tony | April 4th, 2007 at 6:50 am
Number One on the newly-updated list should be the word “Viewsers.”
Pretty sure people never, ever say that.
And stop trying to make “fetch” happen.
9. Jason | April 4th, 2007 at 7:38 am
It’s really cool how your homepage is like, 5 pages long! Sweet!
10. Roon | April 4th, 2007 at 10:18 am
That was a great video. Thank God people can only see it here. Lord knows it would hurt the station if I could embed it on my blog.
11. Anonymous | April 4th, 2007 at 12:27 pm
I agree with Tony. Viewsers never use the word viewsers.
12. baker | April 4th, 2007 at 12:48 pm
“im able to watch 20 YouTube videos per day because i’m always caught up on my work.”
“watching that baby panda sneeze for the 100th time is always worth the :15 pre-roll.”
13. Safran | April 4th, 2007 at 1:23 pm
“Viewsers never use the word viewsers,” I like that. But it’s not in rampant use on TV websites as a cliche. And it’s still said with a wink here…
Good ones, gang.
14. El Dangeroso | April 4th, 2007 at 2:52 pm
Simple web pages make me think the station isn’t spending enough money. Clutter equals quality. Always has, always will.
Every segment has its own page that doesn’t link to anything else? How exclusive!
More buffering! More buffering!
Unless I saw it first on TV, I certainly don’t want to see it on the web. Keep your web exclusive content in that demon closet with your cauldron and Ouija board.
15. joe | April 4th, 2007 at 4:12 pm
Keep those fires, accidents and crime stories coming. We love watching them on TV, and we can’t get enough of them online.
Ooooh, love your Ajaxy pages.
Your reporters are such incredible writers.
Your video is masterfully shot. I enjoy high-quality photojournalism on the web.
I’ve bookmarked your site as my home page.
16. no one | April 4th, 2007 at 6:32 pm
Teleprompter scripts make great reading online
17. Safran | April 4th, 2007 at 7:49 pm
OK, I’m starting to regret the jokey use of “viewsers” in the title. The story’s getting a little traction on the web (a little) but people are focusing on the in-joke (which, I forget, goes back to 2000 and who can expect to be with us that long?) more than the content.
As the second piece will be largely written by you guys, I ask this: shall I drop the V-word? If so, what do you recommend? I’ve never found a word I like. I like the irony of the V-word, and I’ve never taken it too seriously. But an in-joke is only funny if the people in on it think so.
18. Jay | April 5th, 2007 at 5:36 am
Please post more information about the British sailors. Because you cover world news so well.
19. invitedmedia | April 5th, 2007 at 5:49 am
please coin the word “lieuser” before someone else does.
lieuser: someone who gets all their news and info from the web in lieu of the paper, radio or tv.
20. Jason | April 5th, 2007 at 5:50 am
I would drop the word “Viewsers” and follow some of Lost Remote’s own advice on web search optimization. Use a clear title, nothing catchy. Go with “Things TV Station Web Readers Never Say” or “Website Visitors”. Something boring but clear.
21. David Martin | April 5th, 2007 at 10:14 am
I think it is so cool that the experts featured on your web site also happen to be local businesses that advertise on your station.
Why only use the empty tease in net breaks/ids. I also want to be teased when I visit your web site. Why give me the information I want when you could turn this into a fun game. “Cold or hot tomorrow, rain or rocks falling from the sky, the answer at 11″ gets me involved and running to my set.
22. invitedmedia | April 5th, 2007 at 11:13 am
this is one of the best threads i’ve read in a long while.
please move it back to the top-o’-the-page.
23. Anonymous | April 5th, 2007 at 11:20 am
“Things your station’s website users never, ever say?”
24. Rob | April 5th, 2007 at 2:20 pm
I like how you color code your headlines. That way I know the story is really important if the headline is red instead of black.
Using exclamation points in a headline lets me know how exciting the story is.
Some people assume if the story is at the top of your page is new, but not me, so I like it when you add the “new” button to the end of the headline to tell me the story is new.
Thank you for telling me your stories have ‘new information’.
I like how your headlines are longer than the introduction to War and Peace.
25. Safran | April 5th, 2007 at 3:46 pm
“Viewsers” is out for the next column. Jason’s reasoning wins.
Keep the suggestions coming. Great stuff.
26. Alyssa | April 5th, 2007 at 7:30 pm
Sure I’ll abandon Craigslist for your awkward to navigate classified ad section
Thanks for putting it right where I can see it, because I love trying to decipher the NWS bulletin myself, with no help from an actual meteorologist. (Actual practice at a station I used to work for).
27. Jay | April 6th, 2007 at 6:00 am
Please tell me more about your weekend, overnight photog and how wacky he is. I want to see bios for everyone at your station!
28. chap | April 7th, 2007 at 10:10 am
I understand that you are far too busy to edit your stories for spelling or grammar. I’ll just look past that.
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