…

“3. I don’t like seeing young journalists scoff at the Internet. I never knew there were Luddites under 30 until I started working in the news business. I hate you people.

6. I hate hate hate when people insist on their dumb fucking ideas. Maybe you tards should just take no for an answer once in a while, eh? I know what I’m doing. The Internet isn’t for fucking quizzes and photo captions and god damned spinning graphics. How would you like it if I came to your desk and asked you to write in pig latin because it’s cute or use comic fucking sans or invert the colors on your photo BECAUSE IT WOULD BE REALLY COOL?

6.5 Asking me questions is fine. I’m not a dick and I’m willing to give you feedback. But every time you act like I’m personally attacking you when I tell you I have other things to spend my time on, I want to repeatedly smash my face into a wall. Until I die. In front of you.

7. No I won’t help you set your desktop background. And no I don’t have a God complex, you’re just a lazy moron who refuses to learn anything new. Google it.

8. If you want me to build your personal Web site, you’re going to pay me at least $40/hr depending on the scope of the project. That’s the going freelance rate. Think that’s high? Maybe you shouldn’t have gone into journalism.

8.5 I don’t care about your personal Web site.

9. I sometimes use unnecessary jargon because I know it confuses you and it is the highlight of my day. It’s also a good tactic to keep you from making me do really stupid things on your Web sites. I tell all my friends about it.

10. I really didn’t need to be in that hour long meeting that only contained 15 minutes of Web discussion. Seriously, just call me into the conference room when you get that part of the agenda.”